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"Yet, the possibility of revision is also one of the great advantages of being a writer. Unlike surgery or stone carving, with writing you don’t need to do the job perfectly the first time. You can shape and refine your thoughts and ideas until they are just as you want them, and you can seem smarter and wiser because of this."
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"The most common things can yield startling surprises when we give our attention to them."
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"Deep in the sun-searched growths the dragonfly hangs like a blue thread loosened from the sky."

— Dante Gabriel Rossetti

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"I imagine that one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, that they will be forced to deal with pain."
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"We write about our most heartfelt concerns, often matters difficult to speak about, and always about matters that are intriguing to us."
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"Writing is a struggle against silence."

— Carlos Fuentes

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2013

I see everyone posting end of the year summaries, and I sit here wondering “what did I do this year?” I know this year hasn’t been the most challenging physically, mentally, or emotionally. But there’s just something about it that has felt…odd. As always, I’m sure it connects back to my mom. I remember this time last year, I was at home alone, watching musical performances on tv, and trying to keep myself entertained. The whole time, I remember feeling broken & dreading the idea that my mom wouldn’t physically be a part of 2013. Well, this year is no different, and I think every year will hold the same pain. I just feel like, while I had a lot of fun this year, a lot of the time, I still feel like I’m stuck back in 2012. And that’s probably the way it will always seem. It’s like I’ve lived 2 different lives: one with my mom, and one without. I feel like I have grown this year. I feel like I found who will truly always be there for me, and weeded out those who won’t. I’ve found I can stand on my own more than I thought, I’m more independent than years before, and I can keep myself happy…content when i am alone. My nephews continue to give me hope, make me feel needed, show me what real love is, and make me happier than anyone I’ve ever known. My cat continues to bring me comfort, and silence (with a purr) when I need it most. My siblings (including my sister in law) continue to give me confidence to carry on, knowing they’ve got my back no matter what. Writing continues to give me a chance to explore my inner thoughts. And music continues to bring my feelings to the surface at times I need to, and numb them back into the darkness when I need some peace. I try not to focus on the bad. And that’s what I’ll continue to do going into the new year. I’m going to continue to change and grow, from the inside out, and I’m going to continue to cherish those that make an effort to keep me in their lives and have my best interests at heart. Unfortunately, I’ll continue to feel this odd feeling of being stuck in the past, & this pain of missing my mom. But my old life isn’t one I’m looking to let go of. So goodbye, 2013. Not sure I’ll miss you, but thanks for the lessons and memories. Here’s to 2014: lets grow together and be good to one another. (Sorry about my rambling. I’m not sure where this post was going. Just needed to write.)

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VIDEO: http://youtu.be/vxEZbxjjHAo

Remember December 12, 2012? When you told yourself that by the end of this year, you were going to have it all figured out? That by the end of this year you were going to be completely without a doubt and your path was gonna be clear and your future was gonna…

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